With the Tiers driving some people to tears, most fear this Festive Season 2020 is turning into a bit of a damp squib. Families across the country are unable to meet-up, there is a distinct lack of Christmas parties and festive spirit and as yet not a single snog under the mistletoe for old Girdy, I am open to offers - beautiful blondes, busty brunettes, ravishing redheads any ladies looking to make a drunken mistake, I am available.
Well, I am very much a glass half full type of bloke and choose to look on the bright side.
If you are married, a trap I have skilfully avoided down the years, or in a long-term committed relationship with your significant other (keep it politically correct Girdy) a plus might well be you don’t have to spend hours bored out your brains with the in-laws. No relatives just ‘popping in’ and their kids trashing your house. No last-minute rush to buy that present you forgot as you aint seeing the Mother-in-Law anyway. Get it in the January Sale, save a few bob and pretend you had it all along. You won’t have sleepless nights wondering what to buy your gender-nonconforming cousin Charles, now known as Apple Autumn Sunrise, who you haven’t seen in five years because well, hell what's that all about (sorry got politically incorrect). You don’t need to stay-up till the early hours of Christmas morning wrapping gifts whilst a tad pissed with more Sellotape and glitter ending up on you than the damn present. You won’t have to turn on the false smile when you open your present, that you hoped was a ‘horse racing experience to the Cheltenham Festival’, which in fact turns out to be socks from Primark. You don’t need to cook a Christmas dinner that could feed five-hundred only for some miserable bugger of an Auntie to comment your sprouts are overdone - in fact you don’t have to have sprouts. And, perhaps best of all, rather than the annual argument about what to watch on the old gogglebox on Boxing Day afternoon, who cares if the hills are alive with the sound of music, you can relax in your comfy old armchair, put your feet up, pour yourself a glass of your favourite tipple and enjoy the horse racing uninterrupted by some nuisance wanting to play charades. Hopefully Father Christmas will fill you stockings with presents and your pockets with cash. Happy Christmas, it's not so bad, cheers!Seriously for a moment, I sincerely hope you get so spend some time with those that you love and that you all stay safe and well this Christmas. As ever, be lucky!